Wednesday, 16 May 2012

Reo Speedwagon (With apologies)

Got some distressing news this morning: my cousin’s marriage is apparently in tatters.

Her former husband had divorced her twice in the course of the last two months and, as is usually the case, there is another woman involved – a divorcee.

Poor Paknjang (as I called her father) has had to be warded when his blood pressure shot through the roof throughout the family ordeal.

Both their children are now with their grandparents (her side) and she’s left to fend on her own here in KL.

She’s said to be pleading with her ex to get back together; something which her mother is totally against.

All I got was third hand information from my wife whom Maknjang rang up this morning so there are a lot of holes in the story, but I do worry about how my cousin is doing.

My wife and I had been in a similar situation too some years ago and our marriage were fortunate to have survived such a grueling and cruel test.

Without wanting to point the blame finger on anyone, I am wondering when and how the point of no return was crossed in my cousin’s case?

I remember her “gossiping” with my better half about a third woman – a nurse, if I am not mistaken – during one of the family visit way back when we were still staying in Ipoh.

It usually starts with the man of the house.

Typically something to do with "finding the (so called) right one". Right. You and I know that's just full of bull.

The truth is that we were simply wayward.

Why exactly? Why are we so easily enticed with words of sweet nothings and willing to forget solemn vows, breaking family ties and severing relationships that took years to build?

These are questions I ask myself even.

When I was deep in the same waywardness shit the last time, I justified it on the basis of the supposed uncontrollable human emotion of “feelings”.

Such an abstract word is the perfect scapegoat for the unfaithful.

Up to a point, feelings are indeed the factor at play in wrecking marriages and breaking homes, but there is a crucial controllable equation in the emotional-jigsaw in that the parties involved allow a spark to grow into a full blow Super Nova.

The oft quoted “I can’t help my feelings” is pure bullshit used by men to justify their infidelities as the truth is that we CAN tone it. Considerably so.

In the case of married fathers, keep those lecherous emotions and thoughts in check enough for the imprints of our faithful better half and beautiful children to surface over the superficially imposed, all flowers and bees, image of a woman who “understands me”.

Our wives understood us for years and decades to put up with our egoism, foibles, flaws, cantankerousness, emotional handicaps etc etc etc.

Otherwise they would have left a long time ago.

Do I wish my cousin and her husband to get back together?

I do.

I know, too, however that it’s going to be a long and difficult journey for scarred hearts and emotions to mend.

Just like Stephen King’s IT, such things often return to taunt just when you think you’re on the right path.

And as muslims, my cousin has only once chance left to make things work.

The question is: Does HE want to get back together?

Or is it be a case of “I can’t help my feelings”?

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