Swanky, Shameless Smartass

Smiling a Cheshire Cat’s grin,

Samba chimes silently clinking,

Swimming naked in a public pool

A smarmy shameless swanky smooth

Bloody quick he is to the draw

Ballsy moves of a whopping tale

Boiling opponents and proponents   

A brollop of smarts with a slinky zeal

Trust him we should never do

Threading with care his every move

Tear to the inner linings his gray flannel

A thirst for truth that remains unquenched

A smarmy shameless swanky smooth

Swimming naked in a public pool

Summing up the kaching-ing register

Smart, he thinks, smooching his smutty shades.

Ps:

Bored, that's all there is to this.

Bleeping Sod-Offs

These days I often winced every time EPF appears in the news.

As is often the case, the news would be on the nation’s richer institution spending money for something or the other.

Recent ones being the RM2.4 billion for the RRI land, the 20% stake for the RM2 billion Battersea project, and not to forget, the RM1.5 billion for Raja Nong Chik’s housing loans for the KL poor scheme.

And yet another: the EPF has apparently been accumulating shares of Felda Global Ventures Holdings (FGVH) and now holding close to 7% from 5.4% for the controversial IPO, which price reached a low RM4.57 before noon today.

How much is EPF, urm , exposure vis-a-vis FGVH in pure money terms, I wonder? 

According to fellow blogger SakMongkol, it’s around RM1.2 billion. Another multi-billion venture, if that is so.

In the shareholding business, it’s great to be able to buy low especially if you are holding the shares for a much longer term with the proviso of a company with positive outlook. Is this the case with FGVH?

Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. This depends very much on who you ask this question to.

The fact remains however that for the FGVH IPO, even the State governments – not the epitome of financial savvy managers – were roped in to, urm, prop the debut price.

There is in place a 6-month’s holding period for the local institution. I supposed this includes the latter.

Query: What happens if the price continues to tumble below the issue price? Will EPF continue to accumulate FGVH shares on the quiet? Up to what point will it continue to do so?

And if the shares continue to tumble, wouldn’t buying them constitute a breach of responsibility on the EPF part in managing its contributors’ hard earned retirement savings for good returns?

Unfortunately, EPF contributors do not have much say on the institution’s investing decisions.

Hence, the go ahead for Raja Nong Chik’s loans for the poor scheme despite some rumblings of how the EPF seemed to be the other favorite purse of the politically-intertwined.

The other being Petronas, of course, but the still-mighty corporation of the nation has made its feeling known over it reservations in being a cash cow for all and sundry.

Cash flushed as it is, the EPF is not a bottomless well of funds and eventually – if everyone were to dip into the piggy bank as if it was their own – the base would be reached.

We certainly have plenty of examples of once cash-rich coffers hence depleted, don’t we?

So, do Sod Off all you grubby hands. Please.

Peeving Nincompoops

“… does not involve the EPF providing loans to buyers…buyers should apply directly to the ministry…”

“…. a special purpose vehicle of the Federal Territories Foundation (SPV FT Foundation) to provide loans and the terms were being finalized …“

“…. an initial facility of RM300 million with any further loans to be granted at the discretion of the EPF investment panel..”

“…ownership of the houses shall remain with SPV FT Foundation… secured as all housing units will be charged or assigned by SPV FT Foundation to EPF with security cover of at least twice the loan amount…”

“…We understand that SPV FT Foundation will only select participants with good track records..”

“…Kuala Lumpur City Hall would buy back the houses to secure the cash flow required for the repayment of the loan in the event of non-payment…”

Ooohh… I am feeling a billion percent secured and relieved with the above “explanation” from the EPF on plans (was it RNC’s, I wonder?) to hand out, opps, to, urm, help out the unqualified to get funds to buy housing units.

See, even as I write the above sentence I am glowing with an immense sense of security.

Let’s see the points again:
EPF not giving out direct loans: We knew that. Impossible to administer and could well be illegal anyway.

An SPV is involved: okay… and provided with initial facility of RM300m : ahh… money from where? The EPF.

Definitely NOT direct there.

Ownership of homes with SPV, assigned and charged to the EPF and is secured by KL City Hall.

So, SPV gets to administer – ie. pick out who gets what, hand out the money, get the administrative fees for doing so, yada yada bla bla, but risk is borne by City Hall (Let’s not forget EPF, the INDIRECT provider of the so-called loans, shall we?)

And get this: SPV will select participants with good track records.

Hmm… Wonder how they will do this when the pool is basically from a group unqualified to take loans in the first place and as such without much of a thing called credit report.

There will be future drawdown possible with satisfactory conduct: And if not? What happens? SPV pays back the RM300 million?

Or EPF gets to sell homes of the poor (oh so cruel of the EPF, sob sob boo hoo) to gain back whatever is given out by the SPV.

Oh. Wait. No, KL City Hall will pay double for the house, isn’t it?

Is that so? If City Hall is so flushed with money, why can’t they undertake such a Murni scheme?

I forget that there is every chance that I will be helping put roofing over the poor, and the homeless.

Only thing is that I know that most of these homes are rented out at rentals way above what their poor downtrodden owners are paying in installments.

Sometimes for multiple units summore. More the pity, eh?

Let’s not forget also the alleged politicians’ list for such homes.

Charity starts at home. Let not bleeping use someone else’s home to do so, can we?

The thing that irks me the most about this scheme is that - just like everything else these days - no matter how loud we protest, the train continues.

A gravy train that is surely going dry up sooner or later.


PS: Watch out for the 10% mandatory health insurance too. Us middle class sure are getting pummeled left, right, centre, above and below with this current bunch.